X fundamentalist is back

I’m back from a long hiatus. Hey I’m a pastor in one of those libbbberal denominations. We are not going to be raptured I hear. More coming soon.

Seven dirty words that Fundamentalists don’t say(homage to the late George Carlin)

1. Grace-Thats a license to sin!

2. Love-Don’t you know God hates you.

3.Freedom-God is the Lawgiver and you better obey.

4.Critical thinking-Christians don’t think; its evil.

5.Asking questions-God said it, I believe it and that settles it.

6. RocknRoll-Devils music

7.Sex- only for procreation nuff said

oh yeah heck, darn, etc etc

You might be a charismaniac if…

http://charismania.wordpress.com/2007/10/23/you-might-be-a-charismaniac-if/

Field trip to the White Supremacist TV Network and KKK

My Communications class in College took several field trips. There was a TV ministry in Gravette, Arkansas called the Shepherd’s Chapel that our Teacher took us unaware of their strange and racist teachings. Shepherd’s Chapel is run by the Pastor Arnold Murray who believes that Eve had sex with the devil and their off-spring are evil seed along with Cain, inter-racial marriage is wrong, Jews are not true Jews but America and Great Britain are the lost tribes. Sheesh, who makes up this load of… We got away from that cult quickly.

The next trip was to Harrison, Arkansas where there was a bunch of inbreds from the Klan who were having a bible rally for white guys. I ended up almost being noosed for telling them that Jesus and the Apostles were Jewish and so was the God of the Bible that they professed to believe in.

X-Fun special edition:TBN touts Ann Coulter: Marriage made in Hell

Ann Coulter wraps herself around the TBN logo like a stripper

In this special edition of X-Fundamentalist: We look at the insane world of Ann Coulter who has now lowered herself to the Religious Right of Tele-evangelism to sell her latest book. She appears with Paul Crouch Jr. in an interview on November 1st http://www.tbn.org/index.php/2/37/92.html

I wrote this in response to Sarcastic Lutherans post http://sarcasticlutheran.typepad.com/sarcastic_lutheran/2007/10/tbn-again.html

Paul Crouch Jr. kisses up to the Antichrist in the November 1st Behind the Scenes TBN show. She was there to promote her book “If Democrats had any brains they would become Republicans”. She declared the Left was still in control of the media while taunting them by singing “Onward Christian Soldiers!” She was asked about Presidential candidate John Edwards comment about her being a she-devil. She says She-Devil…she would call him a she. Her newest book is a cliff-notes of all her insulting comments about democrats.

The interesting moment of the interview is when Paul Jr asked her about her faith. She talked about her Father’s Catholic and then Presbyterian background and her mother being a fine Christian lady(let’s hope she is not a bitch like her). She complained about some “liberal” Presbyterian preacher speaking out on the Iraq war and being political and that is why she does not go to church every Sunday. She says she doesn’t need to because Jesus died for her sins so there. Ann “cheap grace” Coulter telling it like it is. Oh yeah, she also says Christians need to reproduce more and Democrats are not Christians. She believes the perfect world is 100 percent Republican patriotic Christians. God will smite those who disagree.

Conversation With a Crazed Hillbilly over Religion

Ronnie and his wife Grendel lived in a Rock House in Arkansas. They did not go to church because they did not believe in man-made religion. Here’s the unfortunate conversation that I had with Grendel.

I don’t believe in yer Church She yelled as she chomped on her cigarette.

Why not? I asked

They get their religion out of a book!

uh-yeah it’s called the Bible

She got mad and started throwing cigarette lighters at me while her burly husband Ronnie sat cowered in the corner.

Elvis is alive at the local Assembly of God Church

Anything can happen at the local Assembly of God church. My wife and I went one Sunday when the “Spirit” was moving and the local Elvis impersonator Fred got excited. He jumped up on stage with jumpsuit and all and started singing “How Great Thou Art”! All the old ladies on the front row was slain in the spirit because Elvis was in the building.